Sex, Shame & Sobriety: Why You Need a Sex-Positive Therapist
✨ I. Introduction: Why This Conversation Matters
There are certain topics clients hold close—and sex is often one of them. That doesn’t surprise me. In the U.S., we’re taught that sex is a “private matter,” something not to be talked about openly. But when something becomes untouchable, it usually becomes coated in shame.
That shame doesn’t just stay at the surface—it seeps into how people relate to their bodies, their desires, their relationships, and especially how they show up in therapy. And when substance use or addiction is part of the story, that shame tends to grow even louder.
Where better to bring this conversation than the therapy room?
A space where all of you should be welcome.
A space where no part of you is shamed or silenced.
This is why finding a sex-positive therapist matters.
🧠 II. What “Sex-Positive Therapy” Actually Means
Let’s be clear:
A sex-positive therapist is not someone who pushes sex, crosses boundaries, or makes assumptions.
Sex-positive therapy means:
A nonjudgmental presence
Affirmation of all sexual orientations, expressions, identities, and relationship structures
A safe place to explore sex, pleasure, fear, desire, confusion, and shame—without flinching
It’s about respect, not pressure.
Curiosity, not correction.
Safety, not assumptions.
Therapy should be a place where you can bring the questions you’ve never been able to ask. The longings you’ve tucked away. The experiences you’ve been taught to hide. Not to be labeled—but to be heard.
🌫️ III. How Shame and Silence Show Up in Recovery
For many people, sex has been used to cope.
To numb.
To feel something—or to feel powerful again.
Especially when trauma and addiction are part of the picture.
In many abstinence-based recovery models, sexuality becomes another thing to shut down. Masturbation, kink, or even romantic connection may get lumped into the “danger zone”—seen as a trigger or a relapse risk rather than a part of someone’s full humanity.
That’s when messages like these start to take hold:
“I’m dirty.”
“Sex is dangerous.”
“I can’t be sober and sexual.”
And when therapists don’t have the tools—or the comfort—to talk about these layers, clients stay stuck. Isolated in their shame. Quietly believing that this part of them is still off-limits.
🛡️ IV. Why a Sex-Positive Therapist Matters (Especially in Recovery)
Here’s why it matters—especially if you’re in recovery:
You need a therapist who:
Can talk about sex without discomfort
Understands the difference between compulsive behavior and sexual expression
Doesn’t reduce sexuality to a symptom
Can hold desire, trauma, and healing in the same space
A sex-positive therapist helps you:
Untangle shame from truth
Understand that sobriety and sexuality can coexist
Explore boundaries, fantasies, fears, and needs—without judgment or redirection
Recovery isn’t just about abstinence.
It’s about reclaiming your life.
And that includes your relationship to your body, your pleasure, your voice.
🔍 V. How to Tell If a Therapist Is Sex-Positive
Here are a few signs that your therapist may be sex-positive:
They name sex-positivity or inclusive care clearly in their materials
They ask open, thoughtful questions about relationships, identity, and pleasure
They’re informed on queer, poly, kink, and gender-diverse experiences
They respond with curiosity—not shame or avoidance—when sex comes up
And most importantly:
You feel more like yourself in the room with them.
Not smaller. Not silenced.
🌿 VI. Closing Reflection
You deserve a therapist who sees all of you.
The part of you working toward healing.
The part of you still scared to speak up.
The part of you that wants to understand your sexuality—not erase it.
Your sexuality doesn’t make you broken.
Your desire doesn’t disqualify your healing.
Therapy should be a place where you can reclaim your voice, your body, and your worth—
without fear, and without shame.
💬 Looking for a sex-positive therapist?
If you're navigating recovery, exploring your relationship with sex, or just want a place to unpack shame without judgment—I'm here to support you.
I offer therapy rooted in curiosity, consent, and connection.
Your story is safe here.
🗓️ Book a free 15-minute consultation to see if we’re a good fit.
📍 Based in San Diego | Telehealth available