Asexuality Is Real: Honoring the Spectrum of Human Connection
Asexuality is real. 🌈
Not a phase. Not a dysfunction. Not a problem to be fixed.
And yet—so many people still don’t know what it means. Or worse, they’ve been taught to deny it, dismiss it, or pathologize it.
Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation. It describes people who experience little to no sexual attraction—and it exists on a spectrum as wide and nuanced as any other identity. For those who identify as asexual, life can feel confusing or even painful in a world where sexual attraction is often assumed, celebrated, and expected.
This blog is a small offering of respect: to educate, to challenge misconceptions, and most of all, to affirm this truth:
You don’t have to have sexual attraction to others to be whole.
🧠 What Asexuality Is (and What It Isn’t)
Asexuality, often shortened to “ace,” is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack (or low experience) of sexual attraction to others.
It’s not the same as:
Celibacy (a choice to abstain from sex, regardless of attraction)
Low libido (which can result from medical or psychological factors)
A trauma response (though some ace folks do have trauma, as do people of all orientations)
The key word here is attraction.
Asexuality is about how someone experiences desire, not about behavior, trauma history, or hormone levels.
🌈 Asexuality Exists on a Spectrum
Like all identities, asexuality isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. Some people may identify as:
Gray-asexual (gray-ace): Occasionally or under specific circumstances feel sexual attraction
Demisexual: Only experience sexual attraction when a strong emotional bond is present
Aceflux: Where one’s experience of asexuality fluctuates over time
Aromantic asexual: Someone who experiences neither sexual nor romantic attraction
Romantic ace: Asexual but experiences romantic attraction (heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, etc.)
Bottom line: Asexuality is diverse. And it’s all real.
💬 Let’s Talk About the Myths
There are so many common misconceptions about asexuality—here are a few we need to stop repeating:
“They just haven’t met the right person.”
This implies attraction is a default—and erases ace experiences entirely.
“They’re just traumatized.”
While some ace people have experienced trauma, so have people of every orientation. Trauma does not invalidate identity.
“It’s just a phase.”
No more than any other sexuality. Asexuality is not a stepping stone toward “becoming” something else.
“They can’t be in relationships.”
Ace people have all kinds of relationships: romantic, queerplatonic, platonic, and solo. Connection doesn’t require sex to be meaningful.
💞 Love, Intimacy, and Connection Without Sex
Asexual people can and do experience deep connection.
They can fall in love.
They can form partnerships.
They can build lives that are full, rich, and deeply intimate—without sexual attraction at the center.
Love languages like quality time, emotional presence, physical affection (nonsexual touch), acts of service, and words of affirmation all create powerful, fulfilling bonds.
Some ace folks date. Others don’t. Some are in romantic or queerplatonic relationships. Others prefer solitude or close friendships.
There is no one right way to be asexual.
🧠 Why This Conversation Matters—Especially in Therapy
Too often, asexuality is overlooked, minimized, or pathologized in both mental health and medical settings.
Ace clients are sometimes asked invasive questions. Told they must have trauma. Or pressured to explore sexual behavior as if they’re “missing” something.
That’s not okay.
We need more clinicians, educators, and allies who understand asexuality—not as an absence, but as a valid expression of identity.
Representation and affirmation matter. When we recognize and validate ace people, we create a world where more people feel safe to be fully themselves—without shame, without comparison, and without pressure to fit into someone else’s idea of “normal.”
🌿 A Closing Affirmation
To anyone who’s ever felt like they didn’t “want enough,” “feel enough,” or “desire enough”—
you are not broken.
You are not less than.
You are not alone.
You are enough.
You don’t have to have sexual attraction to others to be worthy of love, belonging, or respect.
You deserve to exist exactly as you are.
Asexuality is real. It’s valid. And it’s worth honoring.
✍️ Author’s Note:
I personally identify on the asexual spectrum, and I share this in the spirit of visibility, compassion, and connection—not as a substitute for your own unique experience.
📚 Resources for Further Exploration
“The Invisible Orientation” by Julie Sondra Decker
Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex – Angela Chen